Equestrian Final Destination
by StupidSequel
Summary: While at Pinkie Pie's high school graduation party, Twilight receives a premonition of disaster at the party, killing her friends. She successfully escapes along with her friends, but Death is still after them, so they all start dying in various ways. Then Twilight learns of very much the same bit of new mythology that Final Destination 5 adds and things become chaotic.


**Equestrian Final Destination**

Inspired by the Final Destination series, tho given that it's flash animation, it would probably look more like Happy Tree Friends.

Spike was in front of the toilet, feeling nauseous.

"What's wrong?" Twilight tried to comfort him.

"Stomach bug, maybe?" Some barf flew out of the mouth of Spike and landed in the toilet, In the middle of the barf was a letter.

"EEEww," The letter was addressed to Twilight and Spike but it was all covered in barf and toilet water.

"1..2..3...not it," Twilight said.

"Aw dammit," Spike spat. He reached his hand in the toilet and grabbed hold of the letter.

"Ah ah ah, you gotta bob for it." Twilight teased.

"NO!" Spike said defiantly.

"Kay kay," Twilight used her magic to make a hazmat suit, put it on, and opened the letter while wearing it. "It's an invitation to Pinkie Pie's high school graduation party. Omigosh, she was in high school? I didn't even know her age. Heck, I don't even know MY own age."

Twilight got on her lappie top and used Google Maps to pinpoint the location of Pinkie Pie's party.

"How convenient. It's only a few feet away from where I am now."

"I wanna go but I'm real sick. Do me a favor and record everything that goes on in the party so I can almost experience it."

"Yeah, but there's one catch: my camera can only record up to 719p resolution, which isn't quite HD, and anything that isn't quite HD is recorded with a potato in some ponys' eyes." Twilight said, sounding like she was just giving an excuse.

"What makes you think I give a shit about that?"

"You're prolly right."

Twilight walked about a few feet from Twilight's house over to wherever Pinkie Pie had her party. Inside was the smell of booze and cigarette smoke. There was also loud rap music playing on the speakers, with the occasional Top 40 pop song.

"You made it. Coolio!" Pinkie Pie gave Twilight some dap. Pinkie Pie looked at her checklist. "Looks like you're the last invited guest to show up. Celestia wanted to come but she got sick with some kind of contagious stomach bug."

_That must be why Spike got sick when he got that letter. _Twilight probably thought.

The doors closed and locked behind her so no one could get in or out. It was slightly unsettling, but the things going on in the party were kind of a distraction in a positive way. There was an ice sculpture in the shape of the year 2014. There was also a swimming pool with diving boards as well as extremely high diving platforms. She could see Rainbow Dash on the highest one. When she jumped off, she did a Sonic Rainboom into the pool. Every pony clapped.

Some pony was enjoying a smoke and then put out their lit cigarette just by tapping the lit end.

The still hot cigarette ash bounced and rolled near the keg of booze. The booze keg exploded. The resulting fire melted the ice sculpture, triggering a tidal wave, drowning Applejack. The tidal wave covered some electrical workings of the concert stage, electrocuting DJ P0N-3 and Pinkie Pie to death. The water weakened the wood foundations holding up the concert stage, causing it to collapse, crushing Rainbow Dash to death like an aphid. The broken lights caused another beer keg to light on fire, and Rarity was nearby, so she caught on fire. She burned to death because going into the water to put out the flames might ruin her dress. The fires and water weakened the foundation of the building, so parts of the ceiling collapsed, and pieces of the ceiling killed Fluttershy, and then Twilight Sparkle, in that order.

After Twilight's premonition was over, she took a huge deep breath.

"We have to get out of here NOW!"

"Beg pardon?" Pikie Pie narrowed her eyes.

"I saw it happen. Beer kegs explode, the ice sculpture turns into a tidal wave, ponies drown and burn and get crushed and electrocuted! And it started with a single cigarette ash!" Twilight was hyperventilating. She then quickly pelted out of the front gate.

"There ain't no party if not all my friends are here," Pinkie stated, then she, too ran out the gate. Cheese Sandwich had a look of disapproval on his face.

"No point in DJ-ing if the star guest is leaving," DJ P0N-3 declared. Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbowdash fled too. And then the gate shut, trapping everyone in the party. Then the disaster dominoes from Twilight's vision happened.

"Those poor unfortunate souls." Twilight sobbed for a good half hour.

When she went home, she bumped into Zecora. "Death doesn't like to be cheated. One by one he'll make sure you all are defeated." (AN: she's like the equivalent of the creepy man who followed them in Final Destination 5).

The news had a story about the disaster at the high school graduation party. The news anchor mentioned that the casualties must have been jelly of the survivors.

Since the party was a bust, Pinkie Pie got on Amazon to buy herself and her 5 friends tickets to Seven Flags Ponyville.

Meanwhile, due to lack of communication, Applejack was at level 1 hackerspace, trying to manufacture 3D-printed tickets to Seven Flags Ponyville, since she wanted somewhere to have fun in the summer but didn't have any money. When she just got a plastic puddle instead, she punched the 3D printer with her hoof in frustration, and got severe blisters from the burns. She hopped around in pain, getting severe cuts on (in)conveniently placed soldering irons, metal shards, and buzzsaws. She appeared fine, until she passed out from the dizziness of losing so much blood, fell through the window, and got impaled on a street sign.

Pinkie had delivered the tickets to all her friends, but when it came time to deliver Applejack's ticket, she wasn't home.

"Odd." Pinkie said.

On her way back home, she accidentally turned a wrong way, looked up, and saw something horrific. Applejack's bloody corpse impaled on the street sign.

Instead of going to Seven Flags that day like they planned, they just attended Applejack's funeral. After her casket was lowered, Pinkie Pie produced some mood whiplash by turning on a boom box that played Cheese Sandwich singing 'A Complicated Song.'

"I think Applejack would want us to go to Seven Flags," Fluttershy spake. Twilight felt a stab of uneasiness. Applejack, the first one who died in her vision, had just died, and was the first survivor out of the bunch to die. Did this mean anything?

Pinkie Pie and DJ P0N-3 got in line for the all new roller coaster that just opened up, Rainboom Run. 5 hours later, when they got to the front of the line and were all strapped in, Pinkie said "hey DJ P0N-3, let's disobey whatever the hell the ride op said and stand up during the ride." DJ nodded.

After the first drop, Pinkie and DJ undid their seatbelts and stood up. They were having fun coaster surfing, until they were struck by a lower than average tunnel top, which sliced their heads clean off. Now they couldn't eat, breathe, snore, belch, yodel, spit or read Sports Illustrated.

The ponies at the front of the line gasped to see two of the riders return headless. "I don't wanna ride anymore," Twilight chickened out as she squeezed past the super long line to the queue entrance. "Not if there's a part that can chop your head off." Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbowdash got out of line too, for the same reason.

"First Applejack, then Pinkie and DJ. And that was the order that they died in my premonition. So, if I remember correctly..."

"Which one of us dies next in your vision?" Rainbowdash asked eagerly. Twilight hesitated. It didn't help that Rainbowdash was wearing a shirt that said "YOLO swag" on it. Then all her hesitation faded.

"You do Rainbowdash. You're the next one to die."

"IS THAT A THREAT?" Rainbowdash challenged.

"I mean, actually I remembered wrong. Sorry. It was Fluttershy," Twilight lied.

"YAHOO!" Rainbowdash cheered loudly. "I'm so excited about not dying next I have to go to the bathroom."

When she went to the bathroom, she saw something too horrific to explain properly.

"Some pony left the toilet seat up!" Rainbow Dash said kinda angrily. "I am not gonna lower it just because some pony is too inconsiderate to lower it after going. I hate feeling like some pony's bitch." Rainbow Dash slipped on a puddle of toothpaste and her behind landed squarely in the toilet. "Ah, perfect." There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice. After she was done, she found that her behind was stuck down in the toilet. "HELP! I can't get out! THE TOILET IS TRYING TO EAT ME!" When she tried to climb out, one of her front hooves hit the flush lever. She could feel all her intestines being sucked out and flushed away out through her rectum. Rainbowdash was dead.

4 hours later, Twilight and what was left of the mane 6 wondered why Rainbowdash was taking so long in the bathroom.

"Strange. Ponies usually don't take in excess of 4 hours just to take a shit," Twilight mused. "Unless maybe she got diarrhea and is on her period. In which case, maybe I should buy every single food item at this park and sample it for myself just to make sure and if I get sick from any of them, then I use my magic to instantly cure myself just like that and have a word with whichever crackheads hired them in the first place."

Twilight bought and sampled every single food item on every single menu from every single place to eat at the park. No sicknesses.

"I am stuffed. I really have to go number two." Twilight said, rubbing her balloon-like belly.

"EEE! Then dung," Rarity commanded.

"Kaykay." When Twilight went in the girls' bathroom, she screamed at the site of Rainbowdash,s corpse partially sticking out of the toilet. She then ran out, no longer needing to use the toilet cuz the floor functioned as one.

"RAINBOWDASH IS DEAD!" Twilight warned. "WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Beg pardon?" Rarity said.

"This is all too weird. Maybe there is a spell somewhere that can take us off of death's list. BRB." Twilight hurried back home.

When she got back, she had some news.

"Well, there is no spell specifically for this. But it does say 'kill or be killed.' To further elaborate, if you kill some pony who isn't on Death's list, then you get taken off death's list in exchange for the remaining lifespan of the pony you killed. For example, if you were next to die, then you murder someone whose remaining lifespan was 30 years, you would then get 30 years to live. But there is a catch. You have no way of knowing how long anyone else has to live. It could be 40 years, or it could be a few minutes."

"I can't kill any pony." Fluttershy cried. "I'd rather die than kill some pony just to take myself off Death's list."

"Hmmm... Celestia looks healthy enough to have quite a long life span, possibly immortal. I got dibs on killing her." Rarity declared loudly.

"No, I found this knowledge first. Therefore, I should be the one to get to kill her." Twilight asserted.

"You two can bicker amongst yourselves while I enjoy activities other than murdering innocent ponies." Fluttershy said quietly.

"Wait," Twilight shouted. "I think we should come up with a way to kill Celestia such that we can all have an equal part in killing her."

"If we do that, will we all get her remaining life span or will we each get one third? And if the latter, anyone know what infinity divided by three is?" Applejack inquired. Twilight shrugged.

"You mean one half, since I don't wanna take part in killing any pony."

"You're gonna help kill her alright, or else I will have to kill Discord instead."

"OH NO! NOT DISCORD. Okay, I'll help," Fluttershy agreed finally.

That night they all traveled to Celestia's castle. Celestia was asleep. Good.

Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy each grabbed the same sword, all holding onto the handle with a single hoof. The blade was raised over Celestia's heart.

"Ready. One... Two... Three!"

"STOP! DO NOT KILL CELESTIA!" It was Zecora.

Right after she said that, it was too late to stop. The blade plunged deep into Celestia's chest, piercing her heart.

"Don't try to stop us, witness. We might kill you too just for being a witness." Fluttershy threatened.

"No, I mean if you kill her, you get her short life span. She has been diagnosed with fur cancer and the doctors gave her about 6 hours to live." Zecora said. "That is why she could not come to Pinkie Pie's party."

"6 HOURS! Holy shit! We'd better find some pony else to kill before our 6 hours are up." Rarity panicked.

"Actually, since you all killed her, you each get one third of her remaining life span." Zecora corrected.

"2 HOURS! AAAUUGH!" Twilight looked worse than she did in Lesson Zero.

Twilight flew away from the castle, desperately searching for a random victim and a method to kill said victim. She licked her lips as she saw Derpy Hooves at the train station. "I wonder if this works. AVADA KEDAVRA!" She shot a cantrip out of her horn and it hit Derpy, who promptly fell over dead. "YES!" She whispered silently. "And with less than 3 minutes to spare, I now have Derpy's remaining life span. Unfortunately I do not know how long that is, so I might have to kill some pony else some time just to be sure."

Twilight waited. And waited. And waited, for some sign she might die soon. It never came.

One day the Cutie Mark Crusaders were at school, enduring one of Miss Cheerilee's Chemistry Calculus lectures. Twilight broke into the class through a window wearing a ninja outfit and used Avada Kedavra on Miss Cheerilee, and then laughed evily. "Wait, she's older than the students, so her life span might not be as much!" She then used Avada Kedavra on Scootaloo, getting his or her life span. "I must live forever." Twilight growled.

Increasingly anxious about not knowing how much the dead ponies' remaining life spans were, Twilight set out to kill one pony roughly every 14 minutes.

Eventually she, Rarity, and Fluttershy killed so many ponies that they were now the only ponies left in the entire world.

"Well, our species is fucked now," Fluttershy admitted. "Seeing as how we killed all the male ponies so we have no one to mate with."

"Not quite," Twilight assured, remembering the events of 'Too Many Pinkie Pies.'

All 3 of them went over to the lake in the aforementioned lake. There were now too many Rarities, Twilights, and Fluttershies.

"Let's have the ultimate slumber party," Rarity declared, and they all did typical slumber party stuff with Hello Kitty by Avril Lavigne playing in the BG.


End file.
